Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health. How do I know? I just see it on commercials and cigarette packs. In my entire life, I never had even a single stick of this cigarette – this weapon of distraction to our lungs… until this girl leaves. That was just two sticks, which equivalents to a subtraction of 10 minutes in my dear life. I never tried it again.
My emotions took me over to taste one – I mean taste two (two sticks that is). There was this girl whom I consider special to me. One day, I told her I’ll wait for her until the end of her class. To be precise, I went to her room about 1:00 pm and told her I’d wait until 6:00 pm (which is the final hour of their class). “That was stupid” I thought. But what can I do? That’s love. I’m just trying to prove I’m worthy for her. And the only way I thought was to wait for five hours. Imagine five hours of just sitting and standing, walking and staring on people, and eating with a bit of talking to anyone I could possibly talk to. I was so stupid to take such actions.
After five hours of waiting, she showed up. “Finally” I thought to myself. But she just went out with some of her friends and told me “una na’ko”. That was bull-shit! How could she be so insensitive? I’m angry, I’m furious, and I’m deliberately mad at her, yet feeling sorry to myself. I was so stupid to take such actions.
She just went away not considering what I’m thinking – and definitely not giving justifications on my actions. That was the time I thought that maybe she doesn’t really care about me; that maybe it was just really a bluff; that maybe we’re just fooling ourselves. How dreadfully awful that was; and how stupid I am to take such actions.
I quickly went out and think of anything to pour my angst and fierce with. Cigarette. I saw the little boy across the street selling packs of them. “One stick would be enough I guess. Besides, it’s just my first time to zip chemicals” I thought to myself. And so, one stick it is. It was all cough and not even a single pleasure. My fingers and hands are shaking, probably shivering in madness. A five-minute walk to the LRT was too much to finish my new vice, but certainly not enough to think things over. I was really stupid to take such actions.
When I reach Santolan Station, I saw the usual thing – traffic. During rush hours, people are like ants and vehicles are the sweet candies they crave for. They’d do whatever it takes just to get in and go home. They’d even bump to ladies and old men to ride a jeep or a bus. I think I’d just walk to think things over. I was planning to think things without a stick. But then, I saw plenty of people walking and breathing smokes just like vehicles. I joined them. I walked an estimated 2 kilometers. Again, too much to finish my smoking, but certainly not enough to think things over. And again, I was really stupid to take such actions.
When I reached the haven of jeepneys, where I could pick any jeepney of my choice, I quickly ride to the one that has eardrum-busting music where all you can hear is the bass. While on the vehicle, I tried to think, if I had the chance I could squeeze my brains for some answers; and squeeze my heart to release my grief. I was trying to forget her until now. But I can’t get over her. Even if she doesn’t really wants me; even if she played love-fools on me; even if her love faded away. I should listen to my friends. But what can I do? That’s love and that’s life. I’m losing myself. And I need something and someone to bring me back to the line. I really messed up some things. I was really stupid to take such actions.
Two sticks of cigarette were enough to make me quit smoking. It doesn’t really give me pleasures (unlike liquors). It’s still on you if you want to stop something. It’s never a chance, it’s a choice. It was my choice to stop smoking and it was my choice to forget her. That was the part where I think I was not stupid enough to take such actions.
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